It started when my parents visited an astrologer and he told them my stars apprise I will be doomed if I don’t get married before June 2015. They broke this news to me in the beginning of 2014.
I was shocked just as any other girl of my age would be . If you are a person who gives heed to your parents words you would be torn between the need to be an obedient girl and finding a way out of this crap. Especially because I did not have a boyfriend and had no idea what I wanted in life, I was only 22 and marriage means cutting down on things you are free to do and more responsibilities which I clearly was not ready for.
Parents use an unfounded argument for getting their children married. “You are immature,you don’t know anything, So listen to us and get married”. But if I am a kid and I am oblivious should I not wait till I am mature and then take a decision. Mentioning this meant I was a rebel. I kept evading this topic for a year until one day they reached their brimming point. That was the month of March. I told them I will take a month to search for a person. To my surprise family agreed for it. They said the choice will be mine, be it someone I love or meet at work or someone I find online. Now that I have the ‘choice’ for myself I plunged into the process.
Just like any other youth in their 20s I wanted this
But since I had very less time; how do you find a person who is inclined towards marriage in a month – I had to skip the former steps and jump straight to ‘Get married’ .The answer –Matrimonial websites. I am a person who believes in feel the fear and do it anyway.
So,Yes I did a crazy thing – Registered on the matrimonial websites.Better take active steps and fail than fight with parents , disappoint them and run away from it.
The month was a rollercoaster .I broke this news to my roomates who were dumbfounded in the beginning and were kind enough to help me out. I bought books on arranged marriage and tried to get an Indian perspective of marriages.
I registered a profile on the websites writing the crude basic facts like Height,Skin colour, Salary, Star sign etc. When I was going through the profiles I found that most of them were created by parents for their sons, so you never get a chance to know who to boy actually is. I had a feeling the guy might not be aware of his picture and profile being up on the website. All profiles say Teetotaler, well-mannered and all are looking for an adjusting, homely girl who can cook. If you text someone their dad replies on behalf of the guy saying ‘Please send us your horoscope’. Spoke to a few people who had their own profiles and felt the lack of chemistry in this kind of arranged set up and did not pursue anything further.
Got calls from the website managers proposing schemes to find the one – “Madam if you pay 50K we can get you a boy earning 50K per month, if you pay 1 lakh we can get a boy earning 1 lakh per month”. This seems like a crude form of dowry before the actual dowry.
Me and my friends looked at profiles and had a nice laughter. We saw ones like this
I think the dad got carried away by the daughter and had so much to brag about. But wait isnt he searching a girl for his son!
Someone should find these people a maid !
People want different things.Some want a family, hence a wife and they are on websites searching for one.Others want love, company, and some dont want those but their parents want it. People want a home maker who can take care of children while some prefer working women. There are different kinds of people in this world with varied preferences. But What am I and what do I want were the questions lingering in my mind.
This process made me understand myself better. If I have to write something down on what I want from another person I need to know what I want from myself. Where will I be next year, what will I be doing, what kind of person should I be with, what do I want from life. Acknowledging the fact that life is short makes you pursue things you really want and appreciate the life you currently live in. I started enjoying the little things in life, like going out with my friends which probably wont happen frequently if I got married, going home and spending time with family, going out to a small cafe by the street with close friend and talk without any agenda, have a cup of tea alone on the balcony enjoying the weather, work with lot of vigour at office happily because maybe I might have a family to cater to someday and can’t work as I want, sit in the temple and relax for an hour because I have no one waiting at home, shop to heart’s content because I might have to save money for family when I get one and have to become more responsible. I have this life for myself now and I am thankful for that to god.
About the websites, my month of hubby hunting is over as I promised and I told my parents that I did not have any luck. They have taken it up and will search a guy for me (Not that I will get married anytime soon 😛 ). I continue my journey of searching for myself.
“I have no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person. But I do know that if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. It is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person.”
— Author and motivational speaker Zig Ziglar
Update on October 2017:
After this incident, I got an opportunity to work in Amsterdam which I took up. I have travelled 16 countries since then.Worked in three. Finished my masters. Currently in Brazil !. This incident brought me closer to my parents. They are a lot more understanding. I am happily unmarried now!
I am sure everyone in their 20s would have had such crazy experiences under parents’ pressure 😛 . Please share your thoughts on this! 🙂